Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy
Feeling alone in your relationship?
It’s a disheartening experience when you turn to your life partner and realize that the two of you have drifted so far away from each other. You wonder if it’s even possible for the relationship to feel like it did in the beginning when the two of you felt seen by the other, safe in each others arms, and secure in your emotional commitment.
Maybe you start to think that you are the problem. That maybe you pushed them away with your attempts to get their attention, to have them respond to you, to share what is going on in their head. It’s frustrating to you that your partner can’t communicate what they feel, what they need, or what they want. It seems like you only have two options: to give up or continue pocking at them. To make things worse, your attempts to connect with your partner are actually driving them farther away. You never thought of yourself as a “clingy” person. You end up in a space of defeat, confusion, and loneliness.
You may be experiencing immense guilt because, for some mysterious reason, you cannot make your partner happy anymore. It seems like you keep getting everything wrong. You try really hard but your efforts are not acknowledged. When your partner begins to criticize you, you lose it. How can you remain present, with the person you love most, when all they are doing is reminding you of your faults? The safest thing to do is to shut down, run away, do everything in your power to stop the experience.
If you find yourself in this space - Emotionally Focused Therapy can help!
How EFT Helps?
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (“EFT”) is a modality of couples therapy developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. EFT is based on attachment theory and it aims to help couples understand how adult love and adult relationships function and flourish.
EFT helps the couple identify the origin of the distress in the relationship. Usually, the distress occurs as a result of a threat or rupture of the emotional bond leading to an emotional disconnect. When this disconnect between partners occurs, the couple is left to rely on old coping strategies perpetuating the negative cycle that ultimately results in further emotional distancing. The couple finds an increase expression of frustration, resentment, criticism, and anger leaving them feeling alone and hopeless.
EFT guides the couple in the identification, understanding, and transformation of the negative cycle. By mapping out the negative cycle, the couple begins to understand and recognize the cycle in their daily life. Together with an EFT therapist, the couple learns to correctly identify each other’s emotional cues, safely and effectively express their needs, and discover a new way of reinforcing and strengthening their secure emotional bond.
EFT reconnects partners by helping them understand how they come to find themselves in the cycle, recognize as it happens, and choose to engage from a place of mutual love and empathy.